


Down Time and Bad Advice

by Vmello



Category: Borderlands
Genre: Crushes, In which Axton Maya and Sal get together at MoXXXi's to gossip between missions, M/M, Mostly about Axton's crush, Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-17 04:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4651692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vmello/pseuds/Vmello
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This will be a series of drabbles set as laid back moments in MoXXXi's. Mostly focusing on Axton having a crush on Zer0 and everyone else yelling at him to do something about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 527 Baby Spiders

“I mean, he has to be organic right? He uses medkits,” Maya said. “That’s something, right?” Axton shrugs as he takes a sip of his drink.

“That’s a good thing!” Salvador chimes in, finishing off his own drink, just as Moxxi brings out another hot pink cocktail, so bright it almost glows, bendy straw and little umbrella decorating it. “Can’t fuck a robot amigo.”

“He could be 527 baby spiders controlling a mech suit, the world may never know,” Axton says, grimacing a bit at the thought of finally getting Zer0 out of his suit, only to be swarmed by spiders.

“Oh god, that’s weirdly specific and kind of terrifying, I really hope that isn’t the case,” Maya made a disgusted face. “I’m sticking with the alien theory, I mean with the weird hands and all, and how badass would that be, aliens are immediately cool.”

“Maybe he’s two midgets in a trench coat,” Salvador offered with a belch after he downs his drink, a purple haze drifting from his mouth.

“But, he isn’t wearing a trench coat,” Maya says, a bit baffled.

“That’s what they want you to think,” Sal replies, sounding as if he he just uncovered some grand conspiracy. Meanwhile Axton picks up his empty glass, sniffing its contents, he scrunches his nose at the smell.

“Is there eridium in this,” he asks Moxxi, who ignores him in favor of adding her two cents to the speculation.

“The alien theory isn’t bad, but my money is on cyborg. A man with cybernetics enhancing his strength, movement, and _stamina._ ” Axton hums as he places Salvador’s empty glass as far away from himself as he can, only half paying attention, mostly filing away thoughts of Zer0’s stamina for later use.

“I’m not sure,” he says. “I’m a bit partial to alien myself, his ass _is_ out of this world.” Moxxi, Salvador, and Maya all nod in thoughtful agreement. “Or he could just be a regular person who had a freak finger accident,” he adds as an afterthought holding up his hands and folding down his ring fingers, getting a snort of laughter from Salvador.

“Oh? Any ideas on what the story behind that could be?” Maya asked, casting an amused yet slightly disturbed look at Axton’s still raised hands. Axton grimaces at his hands with a quick ‘yeash’ before lowering them back to the table.

“Ok maybe not,” he gives as response.

“As cool as aliens are and all, that could mean he’s like, a horrible tentacle monster,” Maya points out, sipping her drink. “Then what?” Axton takes a moment to consider before answering.

“Honestly, I could live with that,” he replies with a smirk. Moxxi is grinning, her shoulders shaking slightly with amusement. Maya sneers slightly before replying

“I’m not sure whether I should be disgusted or turned on by that, right now I’m some weird combination of the two,” she shakes her head, face settling somewhere between disturbed and confused. Sal looks a little too deep in thought about Zer0 and his possible tentacles for Axton’s comfort before he announces “Yeah I can see how that could work for you,” getting an eye-roll from the Commando.

“You know, we wouldn’t need to be having this conversation if someone would just make a move,” Maya said. “Not you,” she adds pointing an accusatory finger at Moxxi who is busy with another patron. She takes a moment to fake being offended before winking at the siren.

“OK!” Axton practically shouts, defensive. “The thing about that is, um. Well, you see…” He pauses for a moment. “Ok, I've got nothing,” he shrugs, leaning back in his stool. Moxxi rolls her eyes on the other side of the bar, and Salvador groans obnoxiously before picking his drink up and moving over to the slot machines. Axton doesn’t know enough spanish to understand what the other man mutters under his breath as he walks away, be he knows enough to know he should be at least a little offended.

“You’re hopeless, you know that right?” Maya says, shaking her head at him. He just shrugs again before ordering another drink.


	2. Hammercock blocked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably retitle this, at no point is any advice given to anyone other than 'get some' which honestly isn't even bad advice

“Hammerlock wants to give you his Hammercock,” Maya slurs as she slips into the stool next to Axton, almost tumbling over as she overcorrects her balance. Axton roles his eyes at her and hears Salvador bark with laughter nearby.

“Yeah, well, most people do. I mean, have you seen me?” Axton says with a cocky smile, putting a hand up to steady the swaying siren.

“Shhhhh, that’s not important right now,” she says, raising a hand as if to put a finger to his lips, only succeeding in palming his whole face.

“Then why did you bring it up,” he huffs as he smacks her hand away.

“Wait, just let me finish,” she slurs the whole sentence as she leans on him, her head resting on his shoulder. “He’s been staring at your ass for like, twenty minutes strait.”

“Yeah, it is the best ass on Pandora,” he boasts again. It’s not like he’s unaware of the man checking him out, it’s not like he’s been at all subtle with his sideways glances. Axton just isn’t interested, which Maya knows. “Anyway, I thought that wasn’t the point.”

“It’s not, the point is on the sword that’s going to stab him, probably,” Axton’s brow furrows as he waits for his friend to elaborate. “Zer0’s sword. Zer0 is totally going to stab him if he doesn’t stop checking you out. Dudes been giving him the death stare all night. Or I think its the death stare, it looks death-y, deathish, whatever, he wants you, that’s the real point. Really pointy point. He wants to put his point in you,” Maya slurs, poking him in the chest every time she says ‘point’. If Axton was more sober he might have tried to be a bit more subtle when he glanced around the room to see where Zer0 was standing. As things were he was just happy the assassin wasn’t looking directly at him as his head popped up like a prairie dog to peek around the room, nearly knocking Maya off her stool when she slid off his shoulder.

She wasn’t lying. Zer0 was staring right at Hammerlock, and even without being able to see his face, his posture was threatening enough that most people avoided the area around him. Axton took a quick moment to turn in his stool, so that he was mostly facing Zer0, leaving his body language open, inviting. He leaned back onto the bar partially, and slowly sipped his beer as he waited for the assassin to look his way. When he finally did Axton gave him his best winning smile and a wink. He was surprised when the other man’s visor flashed ////, his go to emoticon for blushing, at him before he sharply turned away. Damn, it was cute. Since when was Zer0 the shy type? He also didn’t miss the way Hammerlock’s face fell at the little interaction between the two.

“Yoooo, get some,” Maya said, leaning on him again. He shrugged his shoulder to get her off of him, and turned his attention back to Zer0 for a second. He was leaning on the wall, posture more relaxed than a minute ago, and he was staring at him. Axton smirked to himself, well, partially at Zer0 as well, before quickly finishing off his drink and standing to walk over to the assassin. Of course this would be the exact moment some drunk asshole decides to puke right on him. The dude stares terrified at the Vault hunter, who glares right back, before slurring out some half assed apology then strait up sprinting out the door. Axton grimaces at the vomit now running down his pant leg and seeping into his boot before glancing over at Zer0, who he swears is laughing at him right now. Well, with tonight more or less ruined for him, he nudges Maya and asks if she’ll be good making it back to the base without him and when she says Krieg’ll bring her back when she’s ready he makes for the door. He doesn’t see the :( on Zer0’s visor as he leaves.


	3. Fuck Marry Kill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang plays a game to pass some time.

“Listen.” Axton says, matter-of-factly, “It’s not that I want to fuck him. But there’s no way I’d marry him or Claptrap so I’d have to marry Angel.”

“But you wouldn’t kill Handsome Jack? Really?” Maya says. 

“I’d absolutely kill the fucker a thousand times. But I _really_ don’t wanna fuck Claptrap.” Axton says. “Plus hatesex is always fun.”

“But then you’d be fucking your wife’s dad. That’s some fucked up telenovela shit man,” Salvador says. 

“You’re the one who asked!” Axton leans forward on the bar, giving him a disbelieving look. “Who would you fuck then?” 

“Not him.” 

“I’m not drunk enough for this,” Axton shakes his head before flagging down Moxxi for another drink. Once she has it poured for him he asks, “So, Moxxi. Fuck, marry, kill, me, Salvador and Maya.” A salacious grin spreads across Moxxi’s face, but before she has a chance to answer Maya suddenly sits up straight, slapping her hand down on the table getting the attention of everyone nearby. 

“Wait!” she says, her eyes trained somewhere over Axton’s shoulder. His brows furrow a bit and when he starts to turn to look over his shoulder she lightly kicks his ankle to keep his attention, and says, less excitable and more like her normal, controlled, if not a bit slurred with alcohol, tone. “I want another turn.”

Axton rolls his eyes, but indulges her. “Allright,” he says with an exaggerated, fake sigh. “But I get two turns too then.”

“Ellie,” she starts, smirking when Axton’s eyes sparkle with interest. “Torgue,” she adds and he smirks back. “And Zer0.” At that Axton’s smile wavers for a second. 

“Well, shit,” he says, stroking his jaw thoughtfully. “That’s really tough.”

“Oh? Explain your thought process,” Maya suggests. 

“Why ask? We know he’s gonna kill Torgue, fuck Zer0, and marry Ellie again,” Moxxi says when she walks by, sounding a bit bitter still from when he picked Ellie over her in a past round. 

“Hah, pretty sure he’d just fuck all three, probably at the same time,” Salvador says, and Axton lets out a low chuckle before toasting him and taking a swig of his drink. 

“Hey, I’m not always that predictable you know,” Axton says after he puts his glass back on the bar. “Ellie is bae, but I don’t wanna fuck Zer0,” when he says this Maya’s lips twitch into a frown for a second before she raises a brow at him, as if to say ‘oh really?’ and Salvador lets out a loud bark of laughter. 

“I mean it, not just once at least. I wanna hit it, but not quit it. Nah, Zer0’s…” Axton trails off, trying to find is line of thought beyond just how much he really does want to get in Zer0’s pants, suit, whatever exactly it was they wore. A smirk plays at his lips for a second, threatening to grow into a dopey grin that he just barely resists. “Like when I was married to Sarah, we’d sometimes get up at like, two a.m. for no reason and bake shitty cookies cause neither of us knew how to bake for shit, and watch crappy B movies until dawn, and crash on the couch after making out like teenagers. We’d take showers together, not the sexy kind, but like, just starting the day together. We had dumb sorta inside jokes and stuff. That’s what I want with Zer0. Also to fuck them, but that sorta comes with the whole married thing anyway.” 

When he’s done Maya’s eyes are shining with delight, and she’s trying and failing to hide her laughter, and Axton feels a bit like an ass because of it, regretting sharing so much. He glares at her, and then at Moxxi, who is pursing her lips in an attempt to hide her own smirk, she flicks her eyes over his shoulder and for a second his brow furrows, then he has a sudden sinking feeling in his stomach. He can feel all the blood rushing to his face and he calmly orders a shot, while Salvador just bursts into laughter next to him. 

After downing his shot Axton slowly turns around, and, of course, Zer0 is standing there, because life’s a bitch like that. Zer0 doesn’t say anything, just crosses their arms over their chest and stares at him, their visor blank, hiding their face and devoid of emoticons that normally offer at least some help at telling what’s on their mind. Axton puts on what he hopes is a charming smile, hoping that his bravado can counterbalance his nerves. He leans back on the bar, winks at Zer0 and says, “Sup?”

When Zer0 doesn’t do or say anything right away Axton’s smile immediately wavers and he straightens up, ready to apologize and go hide in his room for the rest of the night, or maybe forever, he hasn’t really made up his mind yet. Before he can even open his mouth Zer0 steps forward and grabs the front of his jacket. He tenses up and squares his shoulders instinctively, prepared to take whatever Zer0 throws at him. They give his jacket a firm tug, pulling him so close that his forehead lightly taps against their visor. He’s sure if he could breathe right now his breath would fog the glass. He’s not entirely sure if the room goes quiet, or if it’s just that any noise is drowned out by the blood rushing in his ears or the sound of his heart pounding hard in his chest. 

“An interesting thought,” Zer0 starts slowly, and Axton finally lets out a breath. “Perhaps we could discuss it/somewhere more private?”

“Yeah,” Axton says with a shaky laugh. “Sure, sounds like a plan babe.” 

Zer0 lets go of his shirt and flashes a brief smiley emoji from their visor before they start walking away with a swagger to their step that leaves Axton a little tight in the pants as he watches the their ass while he trails behind them. He can hear cheering from the bar behind him when he starts walking away, and spins on his heel to face Maya, Sal, and Moxxi pumps his fist into the air. He’s so pumped that he doesn’t bother feeling embarrassed when he turns around to see Zer0 leaning in the doorway watching him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I'm the worst at updating.


End file.
